The State of the Jackie

Do y’all remember back in… oh, March 2021, when I said, “Maternity leave is done! I’m back from hiatus! LET’S BLOG!”

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I have learned so many lessons over the past 11 months. Let’s break some of those down, shall we?

1. Babies take a lot of time and energy. My precious little girl is 1000% worth everything, but goodness. She always needs someone watching her. You might think, “Duh, Jackie.” But the first three months lulled us into a sense of pattern. Between 0-4 months she was easy. Eat, sleep, poop, and spend the time in between just looking around peacefully from a stationary location. Then around 4 months she started to need more entertaining. Cool. Cool. And at 5.5 months MY DAUGHTER IS MOVING. Like, a lot. And now that she’s 13 months old she’s walking. She also now understands she can demand things from us by crying, pointing, and repeatedly saying her favorite word: NO. So all that wonderful quiet time I imagined blogging where she was sitting next to me just watching? Yeah. That lasted about 2 weeks.
2. Working from home full-time with a baby in the house is hard. I sympathized with my coworkers when COVID-19 started everyone working remotely. Constant distraction from their kids. I get it. But now that I have my own? Whew. David and I are always negotiating who has our little girl during the workday. Mostly, it’s David. But sometimes the farm demands his attention when I have an important meeting with VPs. Speaking of…
3. The best-laid plans are still just plans. We came into this with a plan. Before 8:30, I have the baby and David does farm chores. 8:30-5 David has the baby while I work, with breaks for lunch-chores. After 5, I have the baby again. Yeah. What a great plan. At this point, I’d say it’s working… 3% of the time? Well, we’re making it work. And that’s all I can ask right now.
4. I took so many things for granted that I now consider a luxury. Sleeping through the night? Yup. Making time to exercise? Sure. Seeing my friends and family*? Definitely. Eating healthy food, let alone properly preparing anything? Oh yes. Showering. Laundry. Cleaning. Reading. Food preservation. Blogging. It’s all about choosing one from the endless list when you have a hot second to do something — and then, certainly, you’ll get interrupted and not complete it either. (* Okay, yes, the global pandemic has something to do with this also)
5. Ask for help and you’ll receive it. I’m a highly independent woman. I hate asking for help. I’m still not great at it, but I’m getting better. Friends, family, and even strangers have been wonderful about helping us where we need it.
6. Communication and prioritization are everything. To keep ourselves sane, David and I have become hyper communicative. We are very transparent when one of us is about to break down for some reason and the other picks up the slack. Thus far, neither of us has broken down at the same time. We’re hoping that this trend continues and we keep ourselves truckin’ along.

All in all, life is difficult right now. 13 months old at home. Full-time working remotely. Our house renovation is super behind and super over budget (thanks to supply chain breakdowns). COVID-19 is still spiking all over the place (but Dane County WI, where I live, has exceeded a 70% vaccination rate! Heartening!). Oh, and we’re living on a working farm. Sleep is rare. We’re behind on everything. It’s stressful and, honestly, often lonely.

But.

At the same time, I feel so blessed.

• The Nugget is an absolute angel. She only cries or fusses if she needs something (fingers crossed that continues!).
• The farm has done remarkably well. The chickens have been mostly healthy, the eggs are flying out the door, the blueberry U-pick was a huge hit, and we got 2 new barn kittens! We have great plans for next year and look forward to making them come to life.
• Everyone I work with loves seeing my daughter. She attends video calls and no one minds when I have to reschedule meetings to be a good mom. In fact, she even has work-specific nicknames (Puddin’ Pop is the top one). I also applied for a few jobs recently internally and didn’t get them – which I’m sure was a blessing in disguise, as I don’t know if I could take on more/new work with the chaos of my life right now.
• I have zero regrets about this addition to the house. I have heard so many family members say, “If only I had done this 30 years ago!” Well, today is “30 years ago”. The house is finally starting to come together and it will be worth all the suffering when it’s done. We finally have access to more than just our bedroom, bathroom, and the kitchen. We’re even moving into places!
• I’m still making time for myself when I can. I’m listening to audiobooks while I do chores, making healthy meals, preserving food. It’s not nearly at the same rate I did in the past, but I’m doing some of it. And I’m not doing everything that I want to, but I celebrate the wins, no matter how small, each day. And I’ve redefined what success looks like for a lot of my life as I’ve learned to fit things in.
• And all my loved ones are healthy. Fingers crossed, knock on wood, go away COVID, you suck.

So, yeah. I’ve learned a lot about myself and what it means to be a parent in 2021. I miss you all. But I’m not giving up.

What does this all mean?

Now that we’re into 2022, I have some aspirations I want to share. Why? So y’all can lift me up and hold me accountable, that’s why!

• I aspire to publish 12 posts this year. Yup. Once a month. I published 16 posts last year, but I tapered off at the end. It’s gotten more and more challenging to make time for blogging. So, but setting the bar at a low 12 posts this year, I have faith I can make it happen. Once a month. You can do it, Jackie!
• I aspire to read 24 books this year. I’m already ahead of schedule, even! Two books a month is totally doable, and it even means I’m ignoring 1/2 of my book clubs. So, while I think I’ll blow this out of the water, I don’t want to set the bar too high. Last year, there were some months I didn’t finish a single book. Setting realistic expectations.
• I aspire to visit your blogs once a month. Y’all know how I blog hop. I used to visit your blog once a week and comment-dump my responses to all your posts from that week. I won’t be able to hold that up any longer with the limited time I have (oh hai, babykins). But I want you to know I’m here, and I appreciate you, and your blogging is being seen! Besides, I’ve been in a huge reading slump lately. I could use some fresh recommendations.
• I aspire to read at least 2 Newbery Winners. Hey, remember when I went on that quest to read all the Newbery Award Winners by January 2022 when the 100th Newbery was going to be announced? I didn’t make it. But that’s okay, I’m still on my quest. I only have 26 left, but many of these are older and only come in physical copies from the stacks of my library system. The best way for me to consume books right now is via audiobook.

It’s a humble little list. One that makes me a little anxious when I think about it. And one that I look at and think, “But I can do better than that, I know it…” And then I get anxious all over again. Emotions are hard sometimes, you know?

I look forward to connecting with you again. I’ve missed you.

Keep Reading,
Jackie B + the Nugget